I’m in a relationship with a smart, kind, and patient man. The relationship began as a long-distance thing, but when we became engaged I relocated for us to start our life together.
Since my relocation he’s confessed that he’s told me a handful of lies about various women in his life.
According to him, there has been no infidelity, but there has been some flirtation directed at him, as well as a
lack of information given to me about his past relationships with some of the women still currently in his life.
To my knowledge, he has not acted inappropriately with other women but he lied to me about their advances, etc., even when I asked him about them. I can’t help but feel very disrespected by that kind of behavior,
especially after I willingly sacrificed so much to be here with him.
He says that he wasn’t honest because the situations meant nothing to him, and he didn’t think they were worth upsetting me over.
Nevertheless, they damaged my trust in him, and we’ve done our very best to work through those problems and fall back into the rhythm of our wonderful (truly, truly wonderful) relationship.
Recently, though, I urged him to go to the dermatologist because he had a few bumps by his crotch. The doctor told him that he has a pretty common virus that is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact and that, when it’s on the genitals, it’s considered an STD. He came home and told me about it immediately.
The problem is that I do not and have never had this STD, which is supposedly highly contagious – though I guess I should expect to see symptoms soon. He has suggested
that an ex-girlfriend of his must have given it to him before we got together, but the “shelf life” of the virus, the onset of symptoms, and the fact that I haven’t gotten these bumps yet despite our long-term physical relationship, make that explanation extraordinarily unlikely, and he
He also agrees that it seems very much like he’s cheated on me, but he
swears up and down that he would never do that.
I am not a generally trusting person, but I trust my fiance quite a bit, despite the past.
However, I still feel confused. I think most people would take this information as clear-cut evidence of infidelity, but I keep looking for other explanations as to how this might have happened. I do very much want to believe him, but my worst fear is that as soon as I decide to accept this and restore my complete faith in him, he will finally confess that he did, in fact, cheat.
Too much trust would be lost for me to move forward from that, and the relationship would be in real peril.
At this point, that he might have cheated almost matters less to me than the possible lies he would have told to cover up the cheating. If he’s lying, he’s not only been unfaithful, he’s a completely different person than the one I signed up to marry and start a family with. I really want to just
forget about this and believe him, but I feel really stressed about the possible scenarios, the worst of which leaves me without him — and living alone in a city where I have no friends, family, home, or personal investment.
He 100 percent understands where I’m coming from, and he knows about this post I’m sending out for your advice.
How do we move forward from this
problem? Am I foolish to believe him? Will this always haunt me? Does his STD prove that he cheated?